Everything that has been going on...

I know that I have been a slacker. So here is an update on the situation I call my life.

First: On May 31, 2008 at 1:16 pm, my husband and daughter were involved in a car accident involving roll-over. Yep, you read that right, the van rolled. They were hit on the driver's side by a 15 year old that only had a permit and no adult in the car and she apparently wasn't wearing her seatbelt, either. It took her mother's insurance an entire week to get me a rental vehicle. We got the check for the balance of the value of the van, hand delivered to us and we signed off on the paperwork. Well, yesterday, I got the bill for the car note. As of the 17th of June, the van still hasn't been paid off. We have already gone out and bought another van, and can't afford to make TWO car payments next month!!! Needless to say, I will be making some calls today regarding that. The first will be to CPS, who has the loan. After I call them to get clarification, I will be calling the insurance adjuster. And he better have the right answers to my questions. I also need to get my prescription sunglasses repaired or replaced, as they were damaged in the wreck. I am also going to ask about replacement for items lost or damaged in the wreck.

Second: My kids were really really really sick. Joey started with a fever, but developed an ear infection and sinus infection. Ariane had a strained back from the wreck and then caught Joey's virus. She subsequently developed a UTI from dehydration. So I have been busy on that front. Both kids are now feeling much better.

Third: My poor husband has not been handling stress very well lately. He seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown. And for those of you that know my husband, you know that he pretty much keeps it together ALL the time.

I am pretty much worried about everything that is going on. I just want to go back in time and not let Joe and Ari go out that morning, and then I would not be in the position I am currently in.

So that is what's going on, well the abbreviated version anyway...

Through.

I am through with my sister and her drama. I am done being her lackey and run to person when she needs help or just wants someone to do it for her. I am finished letting her walk all over me.

Let me explain before you go all family on me...

Last summer, when she was going through a rough time with DSS about my PARENT'S house not being clean and whatnot, I called and got a friend to come over there and we helped her clean the house. I know we weren't the only ones to help, but still, I took the time out to help them get to a place where it was manageable. Then I was watching her son and all the "payment" (if you could even call it that) that I wanted was for her to come over for ONE HOUR a week and help me get my house straight. I NEVER got that "payment".

Let's flash forward...

I was going through a hard time with the management company at MY house a couple of months ago and asked her to come over and HELP me...her excuse was that she needed to wash towels.

I was flabbergasted, to say the least. All I wanted was a few hours on ONE day and she needed to wash towels...

I guess you can all see where I stand on that, can't you.

Now let's get to this week...

She wanted me to babysit for her and I gave her my EXTREMELY generous terms and she agreed to them. The terms were $10 per day while her son is in school. $15 per day during the summer and if I was taking the kids somewhere that I had to pay to get in, she would have to pay for her son. I called my father today and he informed me that another friend was picking up her son today. Okay, no problem. I called this friend only to be bitched at that my sister can't afford $10 per day. Well guess what, neither can I. I can't afford to go pick him up everyday because gas prices are so high! I called my mom to find out what was going on and she told me that she was going to babysit him. I don't know what she thinks she can do, but more power to her. I am through.

If you can't afford $10 per day to pay for a babysitter for your son, then you have no business having your daddy buy you a $14,000.00 car that has payment over $300 per month!!!!!

You should have insisted on a less expensive car!!!

I am through! Do NOT call me when mom can't handle YOUR son!!! Put him in daycare and see what happens!!!!

Falling apart inside...

I know that this will sound selfish and self-serving, but it needs to get out so I don't explode.

My husband and I had a serious fight today. I'm not talking your run of the mill fight here. He has informed me that people from both of our families has asked him why he stays with me. He won't tell me who, but I do have a good idea, at least on my side. On his, I am clueless...

So I put it out there...What is wrong with me? Am I such a bad wife? Am I a bad mother? What did I do to him that is so wrong that other people have told him to lose me?

For the answers, I must delve deep into my subconscious and I am not liking what I see. Yes, I am a terrible wife. I never learned how to be one, because I never wanted to be someone's wife. Yes, I am a terrible mother. I didn't have much of a role model either, so I guess I will have to try harder.

As for the answers to the other posted questions...I have no idea. I know that I suffer from many disorders and maybe I should try to get more help than I currently utilize, but I can't do it alone and I can't seem to get anyone to understand that. I have no idea what I have done to my husband for others to tell him that I need to go. I try, but again, it takes two...you all know the saying.

My house is a disaster and yes, I need to clean it, but why should I bother, when all I get is snide remarks and ignorant comments? I feel that maybe the "others" are right and I don't belong in this relationship...maybe my husband should divorce me. But I don't think that would solve any of our problems.

I try to arrange "dates" for us and all I get is flack. Marriage is work. It's the hardest work there is, next to rearing children. All I know, is that I never was cut out for hard work. So maybe, I should just quit while I'm ahead...Lord knows I don't want to, but maybe it will save some heartache down the road if we just go on with our lives without each other. Oh, I know that we will still have to see each other and have communication, because of the kids, but why make our kids suffer if we're not happy?

he wants us to be a family, but you can't be a family if you can't be friends.

The passing of a decent man.

My grandfather, Riley Holifield, Sr., passed early this morning from complications of cancer. He was a good, decent man. I know that until recently I was a disappointment to him. He wouldn't come right out and tell me, though. He was proud when I made the decision to go back to school. He will be greatly missed.

I love you, Papa!

Jen

Oops, they did it again....

And I'm not talking about anything to do with the Britney.

That group of kids, that keeps hanging on the one corner in my neighborhood, threw a rock or something at another lady's van. I happened to come upon her looking at the side of her van after I slowed down and told them to disperse or I was calling the cops. I did call the cops and had her report the incident. I feel that if we get enough people to do this, maybe they will increase their patrols during that time of day or even put a cruiser there to dissuade any type of loitering. Yes, loitering is the proper word for what these kids are doing. There is no reason for 15-20 kids to hang out on one corner together. I don't care if they just got off the bus. They need to go home, do their homework, and then maybe get part-time jobs to be more productive! I'm so tired of these kids thinking that they have the right to be disrespectful and malevolent. Some of the things they are doing borders on gang activity. I do know that I am going to the next crime watch meeting and I'm going to ask why they don't have a patrol during that time of day. I'm also going to ask that something be done about these kids. I mean since they all scatter when they see a cruiser, why not send an unmarked car to look around? At least then, there would be an officer/deputy that can confirm what's being reported.

Okay, rant over...will update after the meeting...whenever that is!

Stupid M-Fers....

I was driving down the main drag of my neighborhood yesterday and as I was passing a group of HS students ( I know they were in HS because it was at the HS bus stop), one of the boys threw a plastic cup at my van! Guess what I did? I slammed on the brakes and turned around and (because most of the boys ran off when I stopped) I made one of the few people that stayed behind
give me a name and address. I promptly called the police and waited until a deputy got to the scene. I told him about what happened and he put a call in to his supervisor who put a call in to a judge...guess what? No, really, guess. The most that they guy can be charged with is LITTERING! OMFG! Oh, well. If this kid is 17, then he will get a $1087.00 fine. On the bright side, at least now those punks know that they messed with the WRONG woman! I have taught the middle school and younger kids to leave me be, because I don't take any crap from them! I guess it's time for the HS kids to learn! I am just waiting for the call saying when I need to show up for court!

OMG...When will these people learn?

This was written last summer.


I just got home from my parent's house. I had to leave rather abruptly, which didn't do anything for the headache I woke with this morning. I was having a conversation with my dad, when my sister walks up to him and starts to hand him $20 and says that he needs to go to the store to get more meat because her husband and his GIRLFRIEND and staying for dinner! I stopped mid-sentence and said I'll see you later. I'm leaving. I then proceeded to walk out the door. I will not be nice to someone just because they happen to be the father of my nephew. I tried to talk to her about him being over there so much and still not spending any QUALITY time with his son. But hey...that's neither here nor there. I have decided that I am done with him. If they want to allow that cheating, low-down, good for nothing asshole into their house...there is NOTHING I can do about it. The only thing I can do is leave whenever he shows up. And that means if I am in the middle of a meal and he shows up, then I guess I won't be finishing my meal, will I. I will not let this piece of white trash into MY house. Okay...rant over...

So what?!?!?!

I have been holding onto this one because I was trying to be sensitive to the person, but now, I'm just through being Mrs. Nice-Person!!!

This was written last summer.

So you are going through a divorce and have a sucky job that doesn't pay peanuts and doesn't give you the hours you need to support your family. So you have to rely on Mom and Dad to support you and your son because the asshole you married can't be bothered to give you a dime to help out. So you are going to court tomorrow and WANT a new outfit to wear, but don't have the $$$, so you are going to put it on Mom's credit card.

I'm sorry that you don't want to hear my advice. I'm sorry that you think that I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry that you are going through all of this crap. But where do you get off spending $100+ on an outfit you will probably only wear once when Mom and Dad had to borrow $$$ from me to pay their light bill? It's not right.

It's not that you don't deserve a new outfit, you do. But when it costs almost as much as MY light bill...that's too much. If it was something that you would be wearing frequently, or had as separates, that would be an entirely different story. You could have waited until I was there to help you, but you got impatient and didn't want to wait. I'm sorry.

I know that this post will piss you off even more than you already are, but hey...it had to be said. I can no longer sit idly by and watch you break Mom's bank account. Go get a better job and stop bleeding them dry! You have MARKETABLE SKILLS! Use them! Even if it means going through some agency. Do it! Stop complaining and waiting for someone to do something for you, go out and do it for yourself!

Time for Mommy's medication....

Okay, so the children have been driving me up the wall all day. I was a good wife and let Joe go to Savannah with Glen to go to the Bass Pro Shops. I could have told him to stay home because I have to study and my mouth hurts, but no...I was nice to him. I so need a break! I can not wait until Monday when everyone else is gone and I have the entire house to myself!

Why does the mouth still hurt, you ask? Well...I have a dry socket! I spent time in the dentist chair again yesterday so that a medicated packing could be put into it. I go back on Monday to get it replaced. This really sucks! I have been taking more medicine for pain in the last two or three days than I did when I first got the tooth pulled!

Oh well...such is my life!

Anyway....Joe is home and I'm getting off of here.

KIDS

WHY do all the kids want to be up your ass when you don't feel well??????

Okay, enough whining....

But, Mommy, it HURTS!

Okay...not this mommy, but my mommy. Today was not a good day. I went to the dentist and as much as we both wanted to save my tooth, we were unable. The decay was too deep and even though it was not bothering me, we decided that (since finances won't permt a root canal) to pull the tooth before it became a larger problem. Okay, let me back up a little bit and explain to you WHY I went to the dentist. We (by we, I mean my family and I) were walking around Costco (MY favorite store in the whole wide world) and all of a sudden I feel like something is stuck in my teeth. I thought it was something stuck in between my teeth, but I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and saw that a hunk of tooth was missing. Yep...the tooth just started falling apart. Back to now...the ENTIRE right side of my face is numb (it has been 4 or 5 hours) from this morning. The doc (he's a cutie!) gave a script for Darvocet (YAY!). I promptly got it filled and took 2. I just took 2 more. Hopefully tomorrow I will ba able to resume my eating activities. (OH, did I forget to mention that I am on a SOFT diet today?) I can' t even drink out of a straw...do you know how difficult it is to do ANY eating or drinking when half of your mouth is numb???

Okay...I know that I'm a baby, but hey.............I'll just let you figure that one out!

I know...I know......

I know I've been a little slack. I know that I haven't posted since, like, June. But I have been dealing with my sister and her son and everything she's going through. Oh, and Becky came to town...notice she didn't post the entire time she was here, either. We were too busy hanging out with each other to post.

So, now, here it is September already. I took the last term off from school. I so needed that break. I am currently taking sociology and economic geography. Fun, Fun ,Fun. These are both reading intensive classes. LOVE IT!

My birthday is at the end of the month...

Amanda is probably going to be really really mad at me for a comment I made to her blog, but hey...it's probably going to be the only way I'm going to get her to listen to me on certain things.

I am no longer babysitting! Yep, you read it here....The only kids I watch are related to me!

We are broker than shit, but I don't care.

I should be reading.....

Okay...enough random BS...time for bed!

Night all!

OMG, it's Tuesday, already!

Okay, I know that I have your attention now...lol.

So I went for the MNO (Mom's Night Out) and had a blast! Mandi, was supposed to come with us, but had some trouble (which I am NOT going to mention) and wasn't able to make it. So it was just Kathy, Sherry and myself. We had so much fun, we decided that we were going to do this monthly.

Mandi's birthday is on Friday. She's going to be 28. Just a tad closer to the "magic pop your head out of your butt" age of 30. Goodness, but she worries me. She just left her hubby and is already trying to find a "replacement". She so needs to wait, but won't listen to me. I am older and wiser, but hey, I have never been there before and don't know what she's going through. I know about rejection. I know about loneliness. I know about not wanting to be alone, but sometimes it is better to be alone than to be with someone and unhappy. (Yes, Mandi, I know you are reading this.)

I am tired. I have tried putting up with everything, but to no avail. I just want a good comfortable mattress, a dark room and about 24 hours to do as I please without any interruptions. NOT going to happen. Oh, well. Guess I will just pretend. I have to babysit again in the morning, but don't mind. Jody is such a good boy. It's mine that drive me insane. They think that just because I said no, means they can do it anyway. NOT!!! They are going to learn about boundaries. They are going to learn that this mommy means business. I will no longer let them walk all over me, even if I have a migraine!

Okay, I think that's enough BS for one night!

Lovies!

I made it!!

It's Friday! I am not in some mental institution. I have not committed any crimes. In fact, I am actually pretty calm right now! I have decided that I need to leave all this financial trouble in Joe's hands. I need to trust him to make the right decisions for our family. I am now planning my Mom's Night Out. That's right...I'm getting out of here without any kids or a hubby tonight! Good Lord knows it is much needed and come to think about it, that's what our parent's parents did with going to a "bridge club" or anything like that...lol. Okay...think that's enough for now...lol!

Lovies!

On the verge...

Of a mental breakdown. Yep, that's right folks! I am about to completely lose it!


I bet you're asking, "Why?"


You wanna know?


You really wanna know?


M.O.N.E.Y.


That's it. Plain and simple.


Oh, you want details...here goes then.


On Monday morning, after Ariane left for school, I get a knock on the door. It is an officer from the Sheriff's Dept. They ask for Joe. Of course he's not here, he leaves for work at 5:45 in the AM! So they ask me if I can take the papers. Sure, "What's my relationship to Joseph?" "I'm his wife." "Okay, here you go. " "What's your name?" I gave the officer my name and he handed me a packet of papers. Well, guess what folks, my hubby is being sued in civil court for a credit card debt. That's right. This company refused to work with us and harassed and harangued us for a year. Now they are suing Joe because he didn't pay this debt. I don't know what to do about this, but I do know that if I continue to think about it I will get physically ill!


But, wait, folks. That's not all.


Joe got an e-mail from work yesterday. Yes, I know he gets them everyday, but this one yesterday is extremely important. He gets an e-mail stating what his "new" salary is. Guess what, he was hourly until Monday. Now, he has a base salary of $26,000.00 a year. That's right folks. Sounds like a decent number, right? Guess what, it's a pay CUT for us. Not only did they cut him with the base salary, they cut his commission rate as well. It really, really stinks! We made over $40,000.00 last year. With this new pay, we won't even hit $40,000.00. The kicker is that he refuses to let them know that this is a cut. He refuses to try to get them to increase his base, so we don't lose $4000-$5000 dollars this year. He refuses to let them know that I will have to return my car to the finance company because we're losing the entire car payment every month.


There you have it folks. That's been my week and it's only Wednesday. Let's see if I make it to Friday before I completely lose it!


I can already feel the anxiety closing in.

Weekend from H*E*L*L........

Yes, everyone. It has been the weeekend from HELL. We moved my baby sister from her house (which is about 45 mins away) to mom and dad's house. She has left her loser, I mean husband. Let's hope it lasts.

Today I attempted to make Red Rice and Sausage. Let's just say the pizza was delicious. Joe make a cake that literally cooked out of the pan. It rose so much that it came over the sides of the bundt pan. Mandi, well she is just herself. I think that now that she's home, she will be able to sleep better. Hunter. Let's just not go there. Ari has 3 more days of school and then it's summer break!!! I almost can't wait! Joey tested for CD (Child Development, which is like 4K). We will find out in August if he made it into the class.

I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep for a few days, or until I wake up without being woke up.

Night all!

Today's confessional....

Yes, I know it has been a little while since I blogged. All I can say is that it has been a very busy, yet not hectic week for me. I am sitting two of the quietest, greatest kids there are. I'm serious. I have had them at my house since about 11:15 this morning and have had absolutely NO trouble from them. The elder of the two (she's 10), straightened my garage!!! I didn't even ask her to. She just decided to do it! I think I will hire her to clean the house...lol. I have her all next week too...yay! The younger (he's 3) is such a sweetheart. He will just play and play until he...scratch that, he has done nothing but play all day long! Gotta love it! Joey has even been better behaved today! I am so happy! I have gotten to watch what I wanna watch on tv and not argue about mommy's turn...lol. I actually need to go check on Joey, as he was laying down a few minutes ago and I think he's sleeping...yep. He's out...just can't let him sleep more than 20 minutes.

My scar from my surgery is fading fast. Love that. My father-in-law must love me to pieces, because there was a sale on soft drinks at Publix and he bought me 5 12-packs of Pepsi! The deal was buy 4 for $11.00 and get the 5th free. When he called and told me I was thinking that he bought himself 3 or 4 and got me 1 or 2 (12-packs). Nope, I got the entire 5!!! Yay! Now I just need a place to hide them so the kids don't drink them all in one day! I am trying to convince my hubby to buy a key lock for the linen closet and finding somewhere else to put the towels, so I can hide all the snacks and sodas and drinks in there and lock it up so the kids don't go through it all in 2 days. He might be on board, but I still think he needs a little more convincing.

We planted a container garden. Tomatoes and bell peppers. My golden tomato plant already has 4 or 5 baby tomatoes on it! I also have blossoms on my red and yellow bell plants! I am waiting on the green bells and regular tomatoes to catch in maturity. I am so happy about this! I don't have a brown thumb! Yay! Lots of yays this week!

Love to all!

Udate on surgery...

I know that it has been about a week since I had my surgery. I should have updated before now, but it's hard when your face hurts.

Okay, so I went in and the first thing the doc says to me is that we needed to talk about his since I'm only 30 and already in there with skin cancer. I'm like whatever dude, since I HATE going outside in the sun since all I do is burn and get hot and yucky feeling all over! They numbed up my face and got the cancer in one layer! That's right folks, they only had to cut on my face one time! YAY! What bothered me the most was the cauterizing they did to stop the bleeding. I'm one of those people that can't even brown hamburger without adding the seasonings to it since the smell makes me ill. Imagine smelling burnt flesh while they work on your face! I nearly lost it (my cookies, that is)! So while they burned, I held my breath! I go in tomorrow to have the stiches out. I know, sounds like fun, right? I hope they numb it then too, since it's still really tender.

Now I go back to the dermatologist on the 19th of June so she can do a whole body check.

PS~(this has nothing to do with me, but read it anyway!)

Keep my sister in your prayers, as she is going through a hard time right now and needs all the help she can get!

Mohs Surgery...

Well folks, I am having surgery on my pretty little face on Thursday. Yep, the doc is gonna slice and dice my face to get rid of all that icky wittle skin cancer. I am supposed to have someone come sit with me, but the only person available is my mom, aka: the D.E.V.I.L. She's disabled and has trouble sitting for long periods of time, but thinks that she needs to be there for me. How do I convince her that it would be better for me to go alone, even though I want (read: need) someone there with me? I am scared witless about this and want to know it is going to be alright, but everything in my heart tells me that it's not. I want to cry about it, but Joe would only laugh at me and tell me I am being silly. Almost everyone has told me that it will be okay, but what about the people that tell me I could have a hole in my face the size of a quarter? Please someone tell me I will just be fine and this is all my anxiety kicking in! I need the reassurance right now!

I figured it out...

All by my lonesome! I didn't know why the comments were turned off on one of my posts, but I fixed it! And I didn't have any help from anybody...lol!