Falling apart inside...

I know that this will sound selfish and self-serving, but it needs to get out so I don't explode.

My husband and I had a serious fight today. I'm not talking your run of the mill fight here. He has informed me that people from both of our families has asked him why he stays with me. He won't tell me who, but I do have a good idea, at least on my side. On his, I am clueless...

So I put it out there...What is wrong with me? Am I such a bad wife? Am I a bad mother? What did I do to him that is so wrong that other people have told him to lose me?

For the answers, I must delve deep into my subconscious and I am not liking what I see. Yes, I am a terrible wife. I never learned how to be one, because I never wanted to be someone's wife. Yes, I am a terrible mother. I didn't have much of a role model either, so I guess I will have to try harder.

As for the answers to the other posted questions...I have no idea. I know that I suffer from many disorders and maybe I should try to get more help than I currently utilize, but I can't do it alone and I can't seem to get anyone to understand that. I have no idea what I have done to my husband for others to tell him that I need to go. I try, but again, it takes two...you all know the saying.

My house is a disaster and yes, I need to clean it, but why should I bother, when all I get is snide remarks and ignorant comments? I feel that maybe the "others" are right and I don't belong in this relationship...maybe my husband should divorce me. But I don't think that would solve any of our problems.

I try to arrange "dates" for us and all I get is flack. Marriage is work. It's the hardest work there is, next to rearing children. All I know, is that I never was cut out for hard work. So maybe, I should just quit while I'm ahead...Lord knows I don't want to, but maybe it will save some heartache down the road if we just go on with our lives without each other. Oh, I know that we will still have to see each other and have communication, because of the kids, but why make our kids suffer if we're not happy?

he wants us to be a family, but you can't be a family if you can't be friends.