Stressed out!

I am so stressed out!

My husband has been out of work since August 2010 and I don't think he even WANTS to find a job!

My little "make extra money" job has turned into a "try to support the family on $9.00/hr" job!

It's no wonder I'm stressed!

We don't have the money to do AYTHING, but sit around the house and watch T.V.!

I so need to have a break! When I'm not at work, I'm working around the house, busy with the kids, or just plain busy! I nearly always have a headache and am always tired.

I wish he would understand what this is doing to me! He doesn't even sit down with me to pay the bills! I just whip out the checkbook and write the checks or go online and set up the payments. It's tiring being everything to everyone!

Kudos to you that are single moms or dads out there! I for one would want to quit that job! Not that I don't love my kids, but to do this all the time and not have any support is wearing.

Christmas Tree Shopping....

....or not.

We were going to go get our tree today, but we weren't even out of the driveway when the kids started fighting. We made it as far as the Parkway before I had to turn around and come home. I told them that I wasn't going anywhere with two kids that were ungrateful and behaving badly!

So now we are home and sitting in our rooms...I'm so not in the spirit!

A good day...

Today is a good day!

I am feeling okay and rested (kinda). I'm off today and the kids are at school! Joe and I are going to go shopping for jeans for him. Watching TV and am loving the new "look back" feature on the cable box!

Great night....

It was a great dinner!

After dinner, I came upstairs, took a shower got dressed and went shopping. Got a great deal with the 30% off at work, plus the $20 ECB that I had and the other coupons I had! Guess it's time for dinner!

On the downside, after I complimented my husband for a great dinner, my MIL said yes, great dinner in more ways than one....and then she smirked her evil little smirk!

Totally uncalled for!

Well, enough for today!

Good night, all!

Just waiting....

.....for dinner to finish cooking so I can go to bed...lol! Shouldn't be too much longer. We are having roasted pork loin, scalloped potatoes, and corn...hopefully he found the gravy that I requested! I smells divine! And my tummy is a rumblin'!

Too tired to think...

I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep last night. It was nearly 3 am when I finally dropped off. I had to be to work at 8 am this morning, so needless to say, I'm pretty tired. I am thinking of taking a nap, but that would mean I won't sleep tonight. Guess I will just hang around online for a bit while dinner is cooking and hopefully go to bed early tonight, since I work at 8 am tomorrow....

Have a great day all!

Christmas Blues

I am not feeling the Spirit this year!!!

That being said, I want to cancel anything having to do with Christmas. I don't want to see any decorations, hear any music, wrap any presents, or go shopping.

I am depressed that we don't have the money to buy the things that our kids want. We hardly have the money to buy the things they need...

I am working my ass off trying to keep us solvent, but that isn't hardly working out. I am full time, but next week I'm only scheduled 28 hours. Not enough to pay the bills. Not enough to make sure we have what we need. Hell, we don't even have the money for rent...had to borrow some money so we didn't bounce a check!

This seems to be the going theme for the last few years...never enough!

To top it all off, the kids are behaving terribly! All they seem to do is fight each other and us! I can't take much more!

Case in point: Today, I had a lousy day at work. Joe and the kids picked me up and before we were even out of the parking lot, the kids were fighting! And they continued fighting all the way home! I was driving and threatened to pull over! All Joe did was sit there...didn't say a word...he just sat there! I AM DONE WITH ALL OF THIS!!!

Why is it that I am always the one that disciplines? Joe just sits there and gets a little upset, gets a little more upset, and then a little more upset, and then BOOM he explodes! Me, I just get on in there to begin with and am just BOOM from the get go!

So I am proposing a Christmas boycott. No not the religious aspects, only the commercial aspects. Sorry Santa, you can't come to my house this year!

Great start to a full day...

So if you know me, you know that I dislike housework.

Today, I have already gotten the second load into the washer, the dishwasher is running, the kiddos are fed and medicated, and I am working on finding the floor in Ariane's room...lol.

I hope that I accomplish the following today:

1) Ariane's room totally clean, bed made, floor vacuumed.

2) Dishes DONE (we all know that this is the worst of everything!)!

3) Living Room started.


I will update this list as I complete it...lol. (IF that happens...wish me luck!)

When did I become the bad guy?

For those of you that know me, I am a decent and kind person. So when did I become the bad guy?

Let me go back a couple of days...okay to only yesterday.

I called my older sister to come have lunch with me because I didn't want to eat alone. After she arrives, our mother calls her cell phone and my sister agrees to bring her leftovers to her for lunch. Well, after lunch, my sister and I went to Wal-Mart and did a little shopping. When we were done, she decided to go home because she wasn't felling well. I get a call at 2:15 PM from my mother bitching because she didn't have anything to drink and my sister didn't bring her lunch. I told her that I would bring her something after my kids got home in about 30 minutes. As I am walking out the door to go get her something to eat and drink, literally minutes after the kids got home from school mind you, I got a call from my sister stating that our mother had called each of her phones (home and cell) no less than four times each!!! So I called my mother and told her that she needed to stop calling my older sister and that she wasn't feeling well. My mother got all haughty and said "Fine then I won't call her anymore!" and proceeded to hang up on me. I called her back and told her that she had no good reason to hang up on me and she retorted that it was fine when I did it...needless to say an argument ensued, whilst on my cell with the kids driving down the road. She (the mother) tried to tell me not to bother bringing her any food...I told her I was already on the f-ing road and that I would be there soon enough.

Now this isn't the first time she has pulled this crap with me about lunch. Last time she did this, I had been in bed all morning with a migraine headache and couldn't see worth a crap. I took her the bagel I was about to eat, and I drove over there and threw it at her...no I wasn't aiming for her head, but if you ask her I was...needless to say she never ate that bagel.

And she didn't eat the burger I brought her yesterday either.

Yesterday, when I got home, I posted that it sucked because things had changed...a role reversal of sorts...she was now the child and I was the mother....well, someone told her about that and she went off on my older sister about how immature it was and whatnot...what burns me is that whomever told her about the post, didn't bother to ask me why I felt that way. I sure they only got her "Woe is me. I am the victim. Pay attention to me. I am the center of the universe." side of the story. I am tired of her thinking that just because she has decided to become an invalid (yes, and invalid, but not totally), she has to be waited on hand and foot. Anyone that knows her, knows that not too terribly long ago, she was able to get up and get herself a drink. She wasn't wearing diapers. She was cleaning house. And now, she refuses to get out of bed to do anything!!! Unless it's to go to the bathroom (if she makes it in time) or to a doctors appointment (which I used to take her to). She doesn't bother to get dressed anymore. She hardly showers. She gives her perception of the truth to the doctors (in other words she lies so they all think she's doing better than she is!).

Needless to say, I am TIRED of being her fall guy. I am TIRED of being the one to catch the flack because dad's at work and she can't (won't) go get herself a drink or lunch or get dressed. I am TIRED of it being assumed that just because both of my kids are in school and I am not "working" that I can do what ever she needs me to do...not fair to my husband and kids.

I will NOT be the bad guy anymore. I will be extricating myself from her and her wickedness.

I know it will be hard, but once it is done, it will not be reversed.

She (the mother) has always been afraid of losing contact with two certain grandchildren (neither of them mine), but now she will lose them, as my patience has worn out and i will not subject my kids to her tyranny and favoritism anymore.

Everything that has been going on...

I know that I have been a slacker. So here is an update on the situation I call my life.

First: On May 31, 2008 at 1:16 pm, my husband and daughter were involved in a car accident involving roll-over. Yep, you read that right, the van rolled. They were hit on the driver's side by a 15 year old that only had a permit and no adult in the car and she apparently wasn't wearing her seatbelt, either. It took her mother's insurance an entire week to get me a rental vehicle. We got the check for the balance of the value of the van, hand delivered to us and we signed off on the paperwork. Well, yesterday, I got the bill for the car note. As of the 17th of June, the van still hasn't been paid off. We have already gone out and bought another van, and can't afford to make TWO car payments next month!!! Needless to say, I will be making some calls today regarding that. The first will be to CPS, who has the loan. After I call them to get clarification, I will be calling the insurance adjuster. And he better have the right answers to my questions. I also need to get my prescription sunglasses repaired or replaced, as they were damaged in the wreck. I am also going to ask about replacement for items lost or damaged in the wreck.

Second: My kids were really really really sick. Joey started with a fever, but developed an ear infection and sinus infection. Ariane had a strained back from the wreck and then caught Joey's virus. She subsequently developed a UTI from dehydration. So I have been busy on that front. Both kids are now feeling much better.

Third: My poor husband has not been handling stress very well lately. He seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown. And for those of you that know my husband, you know that he pretty much keeps it together ALL the time.

I am pretty much worried about everything that is going on. I just want to go back in time and not let Joe and Ari go out that morning, and then I would not be in the position I am currently in.

So that is what's going on, well the abbreviated version anyway...

Through.

I am through with my sister and her drama. I am done being her lackey and run to person when she needs help or just wants someone to do it for her. I am finished letting her walk all over me.

Let me explain before you go all family on me...

Last summer, when she was going through a rough time with DSS about my PARENT'S house not being clean and whatnot, I called and got a friend to come over there and we helped her clean the house. I know we weren't the only ones to help, but still, I took the time out to help them get to a place where it was manageable. Then I was watching her son and all the "payment" (if you could even call it that) that I wanted was for her to come over for ONE HOUR a week and help me get my house straight. I NEVER got that "payment".

Let's flash forward...

I was going through a hard time with the management company at MY house a couple of months ago and asked her to come over and HELP me...her excuse was that she needed to wash towels.

I was flabbergasted, to say the least. All I wanted was a few hours on ONE day and she needed to wash towels...

I guess you can all see where I stand on that, can't you.

Now let's get to this week...

She wanted me to babysit for her and I gave her my EXTREMELY generous terms and she agreed to them. The terms were $10 per day while her son is in school. $15 per day during the summer and if I was taking the kids somewhere that I had to pay to get in, she would have to pay for her son. I called my father today and he informed me that another friend was picking up her son today. Okay, no problem. I called this friend only to be bitched at that my sister can't afford $10 per day. Well guess what, neither can I. I can't afford to go pick him up everyday because gas prices are so high! I called my mom to find out what was going on and she told me that she was going to babysit him. I don't know what she thinks she can do, but more power to her. I am through.

If you can't afford $10 per day to pay for a babysitter for your son, then you have no business having your daddy buy you a $14,000.00 car that has payment over $300 per month!!!!!

You should have insisted on a less expensive car!!!

I am through! Do NOT call me when mom can't handle YOUR son!!! Put him in daycare and see what happens!!!!

Falling apart inside...

I know that this will sound selfish and self-serving, but it needs to get out so I don't explode.

My husband and I had a serious fight today. I'm not talking your run of the mill fight here. He has informed me that people from both of our families has asked him why he stays with me. He won't tell me who, but I do have a good idea, at least on my side. On his, I am clueless...

So I put it out there...What is wrong with me? Am I such a bad wife? Am I a bad mother? What did I do to him that is so wrong that other people have told him to lose me?

For the answers, I must delve deep into my subconscious and I am not liking what I see. Yes, I am a terrible wife. I never learned how to be one, because I never wanted to be someone's wife. Yes, I am a terrible mother. I didn't have much of a role model either, so I guess I will have to try harder.

As for the answers to the other posted questions...I have no idea. I know that I suffer from many disorders and maybe I should try to get more help than I currently utilize, but I can't do it alone and I can't seem to get anyone to understand that. I have no idea what I have done to my husband for others to tell him that I need to go. I try, but again, it takes two...you all know the saying.

My house is a disaster and yes, I need to clean it, but why should I bother, when all I get is snide remarks and ignorant comments? I feel that maybe the "others" are right and I don't belong in this relationship...maybe my husband should divorce me. But I don't think that would solve any of our problems.

I try to arrange "dates" for us and all I get is flack. Marriage is work. It's the hardest work there is, next to rearing children. All I know, is that I never was cut out for hard work. So maybe, I should just quit while I'm ahead...Lord knows I don't want to, but maybe it will save some heartache down the road if we just go on with our lives without each other. Oh, I know that we will still have to see each other and have communication, because of the kids, but why make our kids suffer if we're not happy?

he wants us to be a family, but you can't be a family if you can't be friends.

The passing of a decent man.

My grandfather, Riley Holifield, Sr., passed early this morning from complications of cancer. He was a good, decent man. I know that until recently I was a disappointment to him. He wouldn't come right out and tell me, though. He was proud when I made the decision to go back to school. He will be greatly missed.

I love you, Papa!

Jen

Oops, they did it again....

And I'm not talking about anything to do with the Britney.

That group of kids, that keeps hanging on the one corner in my neighborhood, threw a rock or something at another lady's van. I happened to come upon her looking at the side of her van after I slowed down and told them to disperse or I was calling the cops. I did call the cops and had her report the incident. I feel that if we get enough people to do this, maybe they will increase their patrols during that time of day or even put a cruiser there to dissuade any type of loitering. Yes, loitering is the proper word for what these kids are doing. There is no reason for 15-20 kids to hang out on one corner together. I don't care if they just got off the bus. They need to go home, do their homework, and then maybe get part-time jobs to be more productive! I'm so tired of these kids thinking that they have the right to be disrespectful and malevolent. Some of the things they are doing borders on gang activity. I do know that I am going to the next crime watch meeting and I'm going to ask why they don't have a patrol during that time of day. I'm also going to ask that something be done about these kids. I mean since they all scatter when they see a cruiser, why not send an unmarked car to look around? At least then, there would be an officer/deputy that can confirm what's being reported.

Okay, rant over...will update after the meeting...whenever that is!

Stupid M-Fers....

I was driving down the main drag of my neighborhood yesterday and as I was passing a group of HS students ( I know they were in HS because it was at the HS bus stop), one of the boys threw a plastic cup at my van! Guess what I did? I slammed on the brakes and turned around and (because most of the boys ran off when I stopped) I made one of the few people that stayed behind
give me a name and address. I promptly called the police and waited until a deputy got to the scene. I told him about what happened and he put a call in to his supervisor who put a call in to a judge...guess what? No, really, guess. The most that they guy can be charged with is LITTERING! OMFG! Oh, well. If this kid is 17, then he will get a $1087.00 fine. On the bright side, at least now those punks know that they messed with the WRONG woman! I have taught the middle school and younger kids to leave me be, because I don't take any crap from them! I guess it's time for the HS kids to learn! I am just waiting for the call saying when I need to show up for court!

OMG...When will these people learn?

This was written last summer.


I just got home from my parent's house. I had to leave rather abruptly, which didn't do anything for the headache I woke with this morning. I was having a conversation with my dad, when my sister walks up to him and starts to hand him $20 and says that he needs to go to the store to get more meat because her husband and his GIRLFRIEND and staying for dinner! I stopped mid-sentence and said I'll see you later. I'm leaving. I then proceeded to walk out the door. I will not be nice to someone just because they happen to be the father of my nephew. I tried to talk to her about him being over there so much and still not spending any QUALITY time with his son. But hey...that's neither here nor there. I have decided that I am done with him. If they want to allow that cheating, low-down, good for nothing asshole into their house...there is NOTHING I can do about it. The only thing I can do is leave whenever he shows up. And that means if I am in the middle of a meal and he shows up, then I guess I won't be finishing my meal, will I. I will not let this piece of white trash into MY house. Okay...rant over...

So what?!?!?!

I have been holding onto this one because I was trying to be sensitive to the person, but now, I'm just through being Mrs. Nice-Person!!!

This was written last summer.

So you are going through a divorce and have a sucky job that doesn't pay peanuts and doesn't give you the hours you need to support your family. So you have to rely on Mom and Dad to support you and your son because the asshole you married can't be bothered to give you a dime to help out. So you are going to court tomorrow and WANT a new outfit to wear, but don't have the $$$, so you are going to put it on Mom's credit card.

I'm sorry that you don't want to hear my advice. I'm sorry that you think that I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry that you are going through all of this crap. But where do you get off spending $100+ on an outfit you will probably only wear once when Mom and Dad had to borrow $$$ from me to pay their light bill? It's not right.

It's not that you don't deserve a new outfit, you do. But when it costs almost as much as MY light bill...that's too much. If it was something that you would be wearing frequently, or had as separates, that would be an entirely different story. You could have waited until I was there to help you, but you got impatient and didn't want to wait. I'm sorry.

I know that this post will piss you off even more than you already are, but hey...it had to be said. I can no longer sit idly by and watch you break Mom's bank account. Go get a better job and stop bleeding them dry! You have MARKETABLE SKILLS! Use them! Even if it means going through some agency. Do it! Stop complaining and waiting for someone to do something for you, go out and do it for yourself!

Time for Mommy's medication....

Okay, so the children have been driving me up the wall all day. I was a good wife and let Joe go to Savannah with Glen to go to the Bass Pro Shops. I could have told him to stay home because I have to study and my mouth hurts, but no...I was nice to him. I so need a break! I can not wait until Monday when everyone else is gone and I have the entire house to myself!

Why does the mouth still hurt, you ask? Well...I have a dry socket! I spent time in the dentist chair again yesterday so that a medicated packing could be put into it. I go back on Monday to get it replaced. This really sucks! I have been taking more medicine for pain in the last two or three days than I did when I first got the tooth pulled!

Oh well...such is my life!

Anyway....Joe is home and I'm getting off of here.

KIDS

WHY do all the kids want to be up your ass when you don't feel well??????

Okay, enough whining....

But, Mommy, it HURTS!

Okay...not this mommy, but my mommy. Today was not a good day. I went to the dentist and as much as we both wanted to save my tooth, we were unable. The decay was too deep and even though it was not bothering me, we decided that (since finances won't permt a root canal) to pull the tooth before it became a larger problem. Okay, let me back up a little bit and explain to you WHY I went to the dentist. We (by we, I mean my family and I) were walking around Costco (MY favorite store in the whole wide world) and all of a sudden I feel like something is stuck in my teeth. I thought it was something stuck in between my teeth, but I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and saw that a hunk of tooth was missing. Yep...the tooth just started falling apart. Back to now...the ENTIRE right side of my face is numb (it has been 4 or 5 hours) from this morning. The doc (he's a cutie!) gave a script for Darvocet (YAY!). I promptly got it filled and took 2. I just took 2 more. Hopefully tomorrow I will ba able to resume my eating activities. (OH, did I forget to mention that I am on a SOFT diet today?) I can' t even drink out of a straw...do you know how difficult it is to do ANY eating or drinking when half of your mouth is numb???

Okay...I know that I'm a baby, but hey.............I'll just let you figure that one out!